I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
