I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
