remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
