My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
