Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
