halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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