kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
