Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
