i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
