The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
