K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
