Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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