i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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