My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
