so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
