can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
