she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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