ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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