guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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