Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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