We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night I used snow as a chaser
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
