apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i out mim tonsoeep
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