We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
