Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Even my vagina gasped.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
