like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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