You can't special order awesome
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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