i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
