Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
