i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
