What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
