my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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