Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
