Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
