I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
