it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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