everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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