first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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