it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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