Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
