Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
