Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
