So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
