I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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