i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
