Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
