thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
3 2 1 whiskey
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
