bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
