i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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