dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
