so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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