I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
