I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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